Sunday, June 24, 2012

Wisdom in a children's book

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”~ Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!

  Sometimes it's the silly words in a children's book that stick with you. I guess I took this a little too much to heart. I was raised in Seattle WA. Lil' Miss 4 footed thang and I explored all the way To Georgia. Are there things I miss? Sure! Pike's Place market, Dick's Drive-in and the Troll under the bridge. Why didn't I go back to Seattle after my marriage broke up? I'm a recovering heroin addict. Seattle was my playground and in the worst moments of my life - relapse is always a temptation. I know it won't take away the problem or the hurt, but I could forget for just a little while and give myself room to breathe. So to help preserve what I've fought for and still fight for, I played gypsy.

  I love where I ended up. New people, new places and new playground. One that only knows the snarky me that's been clean for double digits. So how do I maintain this "sobriety" with two chronic pain conditions? By the skin of my teeth and a good support system. 
  I'm reaching the point in my medical treatment where my NSAID options are getting narrower and narrower to the point of having to cross that medication line. I'm the first one to admit that this scares me. I know  I know, pills were never my problem, but there's that voice in my head that reminds me they could one day become the problem. So I set up my support plan with my loved ones here, and I have to remind myself (and others constantly) narcotic pain medication isn't supposed to take the pain completely away- it's use is to take the edge off of it so we can function.  
 It's heart breaking to me, as a support group owner, to watch women struggle with this condition while they lose sight of  "am I taking this because I need to for the pain or because I really really want to for the high".  Now don't get me wrong, NOT ALL who depend on heavy pain medication become addicts. That's one of the biggest myths held by the non-endo and non-fibro worlds. These are conditions that can put you past a 10 on the pain scale anywhere from 3-7 days a month to 24/7/365. Pain medications are a must in any competent treatment plan, but so is an open honest relationship with your doctor. I'm blessed in the fact that I have a great Doctor who is even better at not just listening to me and my fears, but also hears what it is I'm not saying.With this, plus my support system, I know I can do this. Who knows maybe one of these days I can get back to being me.

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